Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

If one word could describe my experiences since my last post it would have to be Exhaustive. Both in quantity and quality, experiences recently have been overwhelming me. 


On the upside, Spring is finally arriving which lightens my spirit. The cherry-blossom trees are pretty much at peak and you can tell people are just generally happier the closer it gets to summer. I know that Spring makes me drag out my camera and document all the amazing flowers (like always, all of the pictures in this blog were taken by me) 


Quick bullet point rundown on my recent adventures...


~Went to the Newseum: pretty much the coolest museum ever, completely dedicated to the history of news, I could spend all day in there, and guess what, I did! 


~Saw the United States Navy Memorial: I even found a special plaque dedicated to the Seabeas (the division my father was a part of) 


~Saw a protest: two of them in fact. The first one was anti-war and the second was anti-healthcare. Both were pretty intense although the latter was the only one to receive press.

 
~Experienced the Healthcare vote: I sat in the House Gallery for one of the votes before the actual healthcare vote on Sunday night, It was pretty monumental. 

~Toured the Capitol Building: I spent a couple hours off work looking at the beautiful architecture and art that it holds, this is also when I sat in on the vote. 

~Went to an event on young professionals who cover the white house: going to events after work makes me feel pretty professional, its great let me tell you :) 

~Ate legitimate Baltimore crab cakes: part of a weekend trip with Amy, Sari, and Kaitlin to Baltimore where we stayed at my professor's house. 

~Spent 4 hours on a train/bus/ another train on the trip into Baltimore: at least it was sunny out! It also gave me time to hang with Amy :) 

~Went to an Eastern Orthodox Service on Palm Sunday: It was a 3 hour service with... lots of chanting/ singing, no pews, incense, a march around the outside of the building with palm branches, communion I couldn't take, and a lenten feast after service because the members had fasted since midnight. Would I recommend it? Yes, as long as you have someone with you who can explain what is going on. 

~Took a "class" on how to use Excel: pretty much, how to use basic formulas to show you the information spreadsheets can give you. Ice cream was provided which was a plus :) 

All of this was great and fun but was colored by the fact that I still am not feeling quite up to par. I'm heading to the doctor on Monday to get some not so great tests done, hopefully I'll be able to find out what is wrong! Also, I've been having a harder time at my internship recently than I expected. Tuesday last week was bad, I had 3 whole events fall through on me. Although I spent the day doing important house cleaning items (emailing the registrar, talking with my advisor, planning my class schedule for next semester, etc.) I felt like it was a big failure. 

Similarly, Thursday and Today I spent working on a longer project that flopped in two different ways on two different days. (ha ha that rhymed). Needless to say, these failures have made me reconsider my major/ goal in life. Do I really have what it takes to be a journalist?  Do I have the gumption to call people and ask questions when I really need to?  In fact, sometimes I even wonder if I have the initiative to be successful at anything at all. 

Does it make me a bad person that I could almost care less about where America's exports are going to come from? Is it wrong that all I want to do right now is go curl up in a corner wrapped in a blanket and read Jane Austen? Sometimes I just blame these feelings on me not feeling well, or hormones or other lame excuse, but it worries me that on some deep level they must be true. Maybe I'm not cut out to live a high-paced life, but in the world we live in, do I have any other choice? 

In class we keep talking about how people are expected to be able to do more and more at their jobs. They have to have a multitude of skills that can be used at a moments notice to produce something that has to be out immediately. To be honest, I think that sucks. No matter how much you love your job, I feel it should be just that, your job. Not your life, not the thing that defines you, but just the way you make your living. This does not mean you should not enjoy it, because you definitely should. 

Once again, all of this sets me on a sea of confusion. Unlike so many other people my age, I don't know what I want to be doing after graduation. Yes, I like the idea of journalism, but is that the only profession I've ever thought could make me happy? No. I've often thought of being a History teacher, a botanist, a political analyst, a politician, or even a librarian. Does this make me a fickle or confused person or does this show the variance in my ability to make myself happy? To be honest, I don't know. Some days I feel like a highly accomplished person, and other times I think I should go back to high school and relearn so many vital things I must have missed. How is there such a disconnect between my skills and what I actually should do in life? 

In ending this little pity party that I just had, I have to remind myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I still have time to go back to college and learn more about myself and my future vocation. Now that I see how much I need to learn, I think I'll appreciate it more. On a more immediate note, I go home in under 2 days for a long needed weekend away. I'll be flying out to Boston early on Thursday and heading back Monday night. Hopefully taking time away from my semester here will let me see the rest of it in a much more positive light. Maybe only then I'll see what else I'm supposed to be learning here, then again, who knows, maybe all I'm supposed to learn here in my semester is that I need to learn more. Only time will tell :)